9:25 PM
I didn't hear you leave
I wonder how am I still here
I don't want to move a thing
It might change my memory
[chorus:]
Oh I am what I am
I'll do what I want
but I can't hide
I won't go
I won't sleep
I can't breathe
until you're resting
here with me
I won't leave
I can't hide
I cannot be
until you're resting
here with me
I don't want to call my friends
They might wake me from this dream
And I can't leave this bed
Risk forgetting all that's been
[chorus x3]
-Here With Me, Dido
9:11 PM
so, should i start studying yet? okokok. tomorrow it shall be. this blog shall henceforth be shut down temporarily. at least till after As. good luck everyone, study hard. one frigging month left before this frigging burden is friggin lifted off our friggin shoulders.
Thursday, October 28, 2004
4:18 PM
had chem practical today.zzz. i LIVE. it was another weird paper, just like the bio paper.
first question was on titration. dual titration, wtf?? it was some weird thing which we've never done before. anyways it wasn't that tough.. i'm just concerned that i'll lose some accuracy marks....zzz. damn that burette. the clip was so damn hard to use, and i ended up having an air bubble in the burette. whats the volume of an air bubble in the burette? 0.05cm³? lol. i didn't bother to correct the error.
second question was on kinetics. man. just like everyone predicted. i'm quite confident of my results, i didn't fake any, they were all quite accurate. but my graph was kinda weird? not starting from the origin and all. and i stupidly wrote 1.47 (3sf) for the order of reaction, instead of rounding it off to 1..zz. lol.
third question was on QA, lame la. they set some weird shit. first thing i noticed, there was no deduction column. so, were we supposed to write deductions in the observations column, or not make any deductions at all? then i noticed familiar reagents, like thiocyanate and all, so i assumed there'd be a nice blood-red complex and i could contentedly deduce Fe(III) ion and all. fat hope la, there was some blue complex formed. and my dichromate and manganate all didn't decolourise, athough they were supposed to. so my QA results were totally faked..lol?
fourth and last question was the design question, surprise surprise, it was physical design. so there was no QA design...sian. its 10marks? i'm not very confident of the crap i wrote. perhaps i'll get 5? or less.
so there goes the two practs. supposedly to our advantage, but i feel disavantaged after the two exams. this means i'll have to study extra hard for the theory papers? and there's like one week plus left only...... omgomgomgomg i'm getting stressed.
gg. i LIVE.
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
5:11 PM
this whole PA thing is getting on my nerves man. can't they freaking tell us what its all about instead of leaving us in suspense and sending us mysterious and vague enlistment letter. fothermuckin shit. zzzzzzzzzzz
1:27 PM
skiving. skiving? skiving. the word keeps repeating itself over and over again in my head. zzz, god damn it even those bloody neurons of mine are making me feel guilty.
8:49 PM
i got no fucking motivation to study la. why is everyone else fervently mugging away? zzzzzzzzzzz. i think, i'll just forget about 4 As and GP A1. i'm already in the "cannot make it" category already. maybe, by luck, i'll be able to get 2 As and 2Bs, or at least an ABB, that'll help me get into melb uni. thats all i really want now. god damn it. this fucking sucks.
11:42 AM
how 'bout getting off of these antibiotics
how 'bout stopping eating when I'm full up
how 'bout them transparent dangling carrots
how 'bout that ever elusive kudo
[chorus:]
thank you India
thank you terror
thank you disillusionment
thank you frailty
thank you consequence
thank you thank you silence
how 'bout me not blaming you for everything
how 'bout me enjoying the moment for once
how 'bout how good it feels to finally forgive you
how 'bout grieving it all one at a time
[chorus]
the moment I let go of it was
the moment I got more than I could handle
the moment I jumped off of it was
the moment I touched down
how 'bout no longer being masochistic
how 'bout remembering your divinity
how 'bout unabashedly bawling your eyes out
how 'bout not equating death with stopping
thank you India
thank you Providence
thank you disillusionment
thank you nothingness
thank you clarity
thank you thank you silence
-Thank You, Alanis Morissette
9:56 AM
1. YOUR HOROSCOPE? aries.
2. SINGLE OR TAKEN? dunno.
3. IF TAKEN, BY WHO? none of ure business.
4. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN SERiOUSLY HURT BY THE PERSON YOU LOVE/D? ah, the mishaps. *declines to comment*
5. WHAT WOULD YOUR REASON BE IF YOU TURNED SUICIDAL? so many reasons, don't wanna list them all.
6. IS SUICIDE REALLY KILLING YOURSELF? hmm, depends on your perspective. i like to think of it as a cowardly way of escaping reality.
7. PREFER COUNTRY OR CLASSIC? classics, duh.
8. PREFER CUTE/IDIOT OR SMART/UGLY? looks don't matter.
9. ARE YOU IN A STABLE RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR BF/GF/CRUSH? siao single la.
10. YOU'D EXPECT A TEXT MESSAGE USUALLY FROM: hanif.
11. HAVE A BEST FRIEND THAT IS IN THE OPPOSITE GENDER? WHO? no best friends of either gender, cause i've never opened up totally to anyone. close friends, there are a few tho.
12. WHAT DO YOU LiKE DOING WHEN YOU'RE DEPRESSED? lie in bed, count the number of cracks in the ceiling
13. CHEERFUL OR BORING??? bbooorringgg.
14. DESCRIBE A PERFECT DATE. spending the nite at the beach, talking all nite and wtaching the sunrise.
15. EVER WONDERED WHY NOBODY KNOWS WHY THE SKY IS BLUE? WHAT DO YOU THINK? cause nothing gold can stay.
16. EVER BEEN HURT BY LOVE? no comment
17. WILL YOU EVER MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE AGAIN? WITH LOVE??? only time will tell.
18. EVER HATED ANYONE LIKE HELL? yea, back in sji (lol).
19. DO YOU DO ANYTHING WHEN A PERSON BREAKS UP WITH YOU AFTER ONE DAY? what kinda joke is that.
20. GIVE WORDS THAT BEST DESCRIBES WHAT YOU'RE FEELiNG NOW. bored and tired.
21. DO YOU BELIEVE IN YOURSELF? sometimes?
22. EVER PHYSiCALLY HURT YOURSELF? nah, never been so depressed before.
23. EVER VERBALLY HURT YOURSELF? nah
24. MOTTO IN LIFE. none. sad case,lol.
26. HAVE YOU EVER HAD *EXTRA* FEELINGS ABOUT A BEST FRIEND FROM THE OPPOSITE GENDER? funny how that happened back in pri sch. p6 and sec1 i think. we lost contact, and the rest is history.
27. IF YES, WHAT DID YOU DO ABOUT IT? IF NO, WHAT WOULD YOU DO? nothing much, we went out often, i hung out at her house, and one fine day we just lost contact.
28. IS FAME & MONEY THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS IN YOUR LIFE? fame? nah. but money is a necessity, so i think its quite important.
29. DO YOU MAKE ANY MOVEMENTS OR SOUNDS WHEN YOU'RE SLEEPiNG? snore, toss and turn constantly, and sleeptalk. or so i'm told.
30. ARE YOU DiFFiCULT TO WAKE UP? yea,lol.
31. HOW OFTEN DO YOU SLEEP? usually every nite, at least for 3hours.
32. ARE YOU CONVENIENT WITH THAT? anything. as long as i'm still alive can already
33. LAST, HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT YOU WERE PERFECT? this reminds me of that lame quote. "nobody is perfect and i am nobody.."
Thursday, October 21, 2004
8:23 PM
had bio prac today.
okay, so i turned over the booklet, and the first question was on animal histology. kidney, to be exact. i was like wow, PHkhoo's prediction came true. it was pretty standard stuff. ok, so it wasn't that bad.
next question, it was on DCPIP. why la why. why did they have to test that dreaded DCPIP. as expected, my fuckin DCPIP didn't change colour. it was like blue in all the capillary tubes for like what? 14mins? lol? so i was creative, i faked out the whole answer. seems one of my fake observations were wrong. zzzzzzz.
last question was on chi-squared test. it REALLY came out, omg!! so you see, we're supposed to count 30 grains of rice and measure and tally the length? what did i do? i counted the WHOLE bottle of rice grains, which was around 50 seeds? zzzzzzzzz.lol. so, that part was slightly screwed.
noone else could ever make such lame mistakes in their A level practical exams, honestly.
Wednesday, October 20, 2004
1:54 PM
just a thought.. how'd u feel if ure parents stumbled onto your blog, or worse still, have been avid readers of it? well, i for one would be totally freaked out. and i'd probably just shut down the whole blog for good. AND delete away all entries. lol.
7:56 AM
i'll whack them if they're sending me off to the police academy JUST for ptp. wtf? can't they just do it all at tekong, if i'm gonna get shipped to tekong eventually?
zzzzzzzz.
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
7:27 PM
just got my enlistment letter today. apparently i'm enlisted into the police force, and i'm supposed to report to the Police Academy on 14dec. oh well, so i'm going to serve the SPF not SAF. kinda expected really.. i predicted i'll get something along the lines of military police. hmm.. at least i got that moot sam for company, haha. if all goes well, i can imagine myself 2 years later, with my velvet revolver, and INSP rank. how cool is that?
lol. make that ASP.
(assuming its not just for PTP...zzzzzzzzzz)
9:34 PM
Ode to NJCians
Ok.. i've been wanting to write this for a long time. you see, i may not have liked NJC as a college, but hey, i was stuck here for the past two years, and you know what? i've met so many great people over this hectic period and i havta say i'll really miss you guys. so here goes.. my farewell message to yall, in no particular order of merit:
1. Lion Dance
weijie, vincent, andy, mingfeng: guys of the 03/04 batch. lame, corny, funny and talented guys i must say. never failed to make our trainings fun and interesting. though we may not have been so close in the first year, i'm quite happy that our batch did stick together this year, and have fostered quite close bonds. may our friendship last =)
han: thanks for all the smses and words of encouragement over these two years. you have been a great friend indeed =) and i'm gald you introed me to ld coz i wouldn't have met all the others if not for you and teo haha.
teo: my dear teo! you have been an intriguing person to get to know. at first in year one you were like some siao gina laughing at me all the time, but it seems this year you've toned down and have been quite depressed at times. i guess its all the exam stress. don't give up k.. must perservere on. anyway thanks for all your advice and encouragement when i was down =)
xinyi: the only other person who's as passionate as me about ld, as far as i can see (i mean some don't show their passion you know? lol). its been great working with you during cca, and thanks for being my running buddy this year =)
chenchao: haha, my disciple for drums; diligently learning from me even though i was a rather impatient, critical and basically a screwed up teacher. anyways you have great potential ya, use it to the fullest, and be a good vice cap for the troupe, and do bear with chong's incessant nagging. lol.
yiqian, yijun, jingliang, benita, lester, aiwei: man i miss you guys, my favourite seniors of the 02/03 batch. a really talented bunch, i must thank you guys for nurturing my passion for ld. and all the encouragement and guidance, you guys rocked man.
to the rest of the troupe: well, what can i say? we have quite a handful of juniors, all with great potential. i'm really impressed that you guys were able to perform that challenging routine for nationals. and the alumni is finally making progress..its great. good luck for the NTU invitationals next year, hope you guys can beat the record we set haha =)
2. 03s23/S7B
shiyun: my dear pigeon. its been great knowing you i must say, just like all the other sN people i know haha. thanks for being such a helpful, caring and cute friend. though we may have quarrelled over trivial matters, i'm glad that we've resolved our differences over the past two years. all the best for As, you'll get your 3As. i'm sure of it.
huizhen: pw groupmate, and a good friend too. thanks for putting up with my two cents worth over the past two years, and for lending me all those tutorials haha.
sock hoon: what can i say? sock hoon is the epitome of perfection, i'm glad to have known her as a friend, and as a pw groupmate. if not for her discipline, we would have slacked off man..haha. good luck for As!
a'in: this lame gurl i've known, incidentally, was my pw mate as well. i still can't believe i sleeptalked at her home (omg damn malu). and she's been blackmailing me about that ever since, who knows wtf i said that nite, haha. anyway, that aside, i have to say a'in has to be one of the most intriguing people in s23. very entertaining, friendly, independent, and i love to listen to her perspective on issues. fantastic pw mate.. i'll never forget those crazy times, haha =)
wee ping: epitome of perfection, again. haha. you've been such a cute, friendly and helpful person over these two years. very enthusiastic for class outings as well. haha. wish you all the best for As man =)
huiling: fellow class lamer. gambling queen as well. i still remember the times when we roamed the streets looking for places to play cards secretly lol. never failed to amuse me with your incessant gossip, haha. thanks for all the lame times, and good luck for As =)
yewtze: shifu. my master in bridge, mahjong, knaves, daidee. lol. sad to say i've been quite a depressing disciple cause of my screwed up luck haha. enjoyed slacking at your house over these years. haha, miss those fun times. btw, we have to organise a mahjong session after As. mad fun.
shaopin: i remember i was jealous of you last year coz you got the moe pre-u scholarship, haha. a very smart gurl indeed. helpful and lame too haha.
huijun: yo! my fellow stoning partner. stoning during lectures and tuts, lol. but it seems you've kicked your habit lately, you did so well for prelims haha. good luck for As! yeah, we should organise a class outing soon. thanks for all the ornaments, cards and all the great times =)
jiayan: i must say, i dreaded talking to you back when we first knew each other last year, due to my "fear" of scgs girls. LOL. luckily, you dispelled all the misconceptions i had of people from your school. you've been a great classmate! do keep in touch =)
to the rest of s23: we've been through alot over these two years. from one of the worst econs classes in the history of j1, we slowly rose up the ranks to become the top this year under the guidance of limGC. haha, anyway i never regretted being in this class really. i could never imagine myself in another s7 class. thanks for all the great times s23! i'll really miss you guys man.
EDIT: haha.. damn paiseh, how could i forget eunice? haha rem all those times when we loitered around, slacked at woodlands library and played cards till late at nite in sch until the uncles/aunties nagged lol. yea, s23 became alot less lively without u..oh well. must have been damn hard for you, i cannnot even imagine. don't worry, i know u'll do well for promos. believe in yourself, don't ever give up k?
3. The Rest
hanif: ah, my fellow Lamer. six years have passed, and we're still good friends. i'm looking forward to after As, when arjun will be back. just like the old times =)
joe: another one i've known for six years, though i was probably close friends with you only in sec one and two. nevertheless, its been great knowing you, and i miss those times when me and hanif went over to your house to do projects but ended up slacking instead lol. good luck for As man, you'll do way better than me. do keep in touch! =)
alwyn: having known you for four years, both your lameness and intelligence never fail to amaze me. haha. we should organise a 401 outing after As.
taffy: yet another one i've known for six years. to think that i put up with all your lame gossip back in sec 3 and 4 when we sat together, haha. but thanks for being a great friend and cca mate, sjab rawks! yea
glenn: lol, you're probably two times taller than me. hmm.. known you for four years now? quite a lame guy actually, but funny and friendly too. i remember geog and SS were your fav subjects back in sji. now in nj, you seem to be infatuated with econs. gimme some of your brains la, my econs sux.lol. anyways good luck for As man!
melissa: hmm.. its been four years, no? glad our friendship remains =) thanks for all your advice, and words of encouragement when i was down! its quite unfortunate that i'll be going to NS on your birthday..haha. anyhow, mug hard, never give up, and stay bubbly always.
shawn, xuehui, craig, thiam hoew, cummarran and all the rest from 401: i seem to have lost contact with you people even though we're still in the same college. what happened to the 401 chalet, lol. we have to organise a reunion after As.
.....gosh. there's still many more people i'd like to mention but it'd probably take me ages to complete this entry if i do.. but i've not forgotten you all. a big thank you for brightening up my grey life in NJ.
and so, we've come to the end of yet another phase of our lives. college has ended. i'm still trying to grasp this fact actually. i've been apathetic too long, i took everything for granted really, over the past two years. now that we're parting ways, i've begun to realise how much i treasure all you guys and all the teachers and everyone i've come to know over this short period.
its been great la, these two years. i have to say that i can't bring myself to say that NJC sux anymore. how could it possibly suck, with all you people around?
11:53 PM
i'm.
feeling rotten.
nvm.
Ode to NJCians, coming soon. tmr probably. stay tuned.
10:51 AM
yawnn.. i wanna change template but its so tedious..zzz. stumbled onto a few interesting blogs, and interestingly, they were my friends' blogs, and i had no idea they had been such avid bloggers. lol. so.. school's out. two years of college, has just come to an end. just like that. feels kinda abrupt really. i still feel like i've just completed my Os. whe in actual fact the As are like.. 3 weeks away?
apparently there's some farewell assembly on monday la. i wonder how it will be like.. i suppose it will never be as emotionally charged as the SJI farewell assembly. i still remember how everyone had to personally get their testimonials from the principal, and towards the end, there was this really weird/unique thing where everyone had to write letters to their parents. weird but memorable..indeed. i guess i'll never feel a sense of attachment to NJ.
but i will definitely miss the people. 03s23. great class (despite the shortage of guys -_-'). lion dance- it was really weird in the beginning. our batch was like split into 2 cliques, 4 guys in one and 3 girls in the other. interestingly, i wasn't part of either clique (more of a middleman eh?). lol. but over the two years we managed to get closer la. i mean there were misunderstandings and sorts, but towards the end we were really quite united. the seniors were great too. but as for the juniors..hmmm...lol. sad to say i won't really miss them. perhaps coz we didn't really establish any close ties with them. but they have great potential.. hope they use it to the fullest. lol.
and i have to say, over the course of the two years, i've met many exemplary teachers. guess we owe it to them too, for their dedication and support over these two years.
ah well.. so much for nostalgia.
i'll go mug now.
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
3:59 PM
did i say a few weeks? i meant 16 f*cking days.
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
8:20 AM
time to place this blog o' mine on life support.. indefinitely. zz.. As will only be over on 25 november, and barely a few weeks after that will be NS.
i have no life.
1:51 PM
There's no sign on the gate
And there's mud on your face
Don't ya think it's time we
re-investigate this situation?
Put some fruit on your plate
You've forgotten how it started
Close your eyes
Think of all the bubbles
of love we made
[chorus:]
And you're down on your knees
It's too late
Oh don't come crawlin'
And you lie by my feet
What a big mistake
I see you fallin'
Got a buzz in my head
And my flowers are dead
Can't figure out a way
to rectify this situation
I don't believe what you said
You've forgotten how it started
Close your eyes
Think of all the bubbles
of love we made
[chorus]
I see you fallin'
I could sting like a bee
Careful how you treat me
Baby I don't think I'll
accept your sorry invitation
Close the door as you leave
And you cry over me
I can't wait
I feel you stallin'
And you try to reach me
What a big mistake
I hear you calling
[repeat chorus]
-Big Mistake, Natalie Imbruglia
Saturday, October 09, 2004
9:25 PM
just watched the 2nd US presidential debate earlier today, and i have to say, it was rather intense. however, both Bush and Kerry kinda screwed up. Kerry was unable to field a certain question posed to him by the audience (definitely a HUGE minus point there for him). well, Bush wasn't any better really. i was amazed at how he bushwhacked all the questions. his logic was flawed, reasoning was flawed, hell, his whole argument was flawed (was there even one in the first place?). in fact, there was no structure in his assertions anyway. at the very end, someone asked him to name three wrong decisions he made in his term, and what he did to correct the mistake. and how did he reply? he kept ranting on what decisions he made, and why they were the RIGHT ones. how convincing...NOT. bah, if only Kerry hadn't screwed up some of the questions, he wouldn have been at a major advantage.. but it seems that both Bush and Kerry are kinda tied right now. i guess the 3rd debate will be much more interesting, and i predict Bush will just crumble.. after all he fears the podium.
but it disgusts me that he has vile connections with the electoral commissions. and they have claimed that they will do "everything in our power to secure a Bush victory". how appalling.. i mean if they actually alter the votes. will it be deja vu? everyone remembers the Florida incident in 2000.
on a lighter note though, if the Bush administration loses, it would put an end to the governing days of Arnie. zzzzzz....why did Arnie have to be a Republican??? why?! he could have done so much more for our dear Kerry and his fellow democrats..bahhh
burn Bush burnnn in hhhhelllll!
btw, Blogger allows freedom of speech right?
8:52 AM
check
this out. utada hikaru has released a full-length english album in the US! how cool. i've always enjoyed her voice and lyrics, especially in her three japanese albums,
First Love,
Final Distance, and
Deep River. i'll definitely have to check this album out. a japanese artiste crossing over to the states. how cool is that.
6:12 PM
[Intro:]
Oh, who does she think she is?
I don't know
Do you reckon they're real?
Nah! too little
Hi girls!
Hi Louise!
Alright, how's it going?
Good, yeah, great
--
Oh, oh, twisted and deceitful
All those two-faced people
Taking me for some kind of fool
Oh, oh, pretending to be so nice
Let me give you my advice
I don't need you
Friends in disguise
Dressed up in lies
It's a knack that you're playing
Oh, oh, first you recognise me
Then you criticise me
What's going on?
[chorus:]
Stop your bitching
'cos you're so sad
Bitching behind my back
Honey, i don't need that
So kick it to the kerb because
I heard you're two-faced
Trying to get in my face
Worked too hard to make mistakes
So stop your bitching on me
Oh, oh, they're so narrow minded
Truth is so one sided
They're just counterfeit
Oh, oh, hot and cold you're blowing
Sheep in wolves' clothing
Who are you trying to kid?
Two-faced people are so shallow
Put yourself in my place
Oh, oh, the fairytale you're spinning
Sounding so convincing
But I'm at a loss so
[chorus]
Poison words are spoken
My faith in you is broken
But I'll make it on my own
Oh, oh, twisted and deceitful
All those two-faced people
Taking me for some kind of fool
Oh, oh, they're so narrow minded
Truth is so one sided
But honey you rock so
[chorus x2]
Stop this hypocrisy
You're criticizing me
Cos i don't wanna be
With two-faced people yeah
--
[Outro:]
She's probably talking about us behind our backs right now
Yeah she probably is, she's like that
Yeah she's two faced, yeah, bitchy
I'll never trust anything she says again
I can't believe you said that about me!
Believe it honey!
-2-faced, Louise
11:31 AM
ok.. i'm way too unproductive. there's lots of excess capacity in my brain, considering the rather low mugging:results ratio i've employed.
so its time to invest in more mugging, so as to increase future result formation. (ok, that was lame..lol)
i shall go and read up on equilibria again (the wretched topic which i aced in j1, and then screwed up in promos, after which i had a phobia of it).
Wednesday, October 06, 2004
3:47 PM
Prelim Results
Bio- C
Chem- E
Math- C
Econs- C
GP- B3
zzzz. guess what? i need 1 mark to get D for chem, and 1 mark each for bio, math, and econs to get B.
this is NOT happening.
10:53 PM
zzzzz..ignore the previous post. it was totally schizo. only a few will understand what i'm saying =)
10:05 PM
today i was chatting with melissa, and the things she mentioned were indeed thought-provoking, and they brought back afresh to memory some of the events that have happened over the past 21 months of college.
question is: why do people change drastically or change for the worse when they go to college?
and so i began wondering, about any significant things that may have occurred in my college life that have somehow affected my character or personality as a whole.
1) jan 2003. entered nj together with the majority of 401'02. the issue was choosing subject combinations. rifts first began to appear when i chose the s7 combi i guess. everyone else had chosen s5 or s6.
2) posted to s7b for the first 3 months. the thing is, i was isolated from glenn, pradip and alwyn who were all in s7c.
3) as i got to know my class better, i felt myself drifting further away from the sji crowd. soon, i stopped hanging out at the sji table in the canteen before assembly every morning. its not like i deliberately chose to do so. its just that my class gathers at the grandstand every morning, and logically speaking, if you enter school by the side gate, you'd most probably stop by the grandstand right? so i never bothered to go up to the canteen.
4) matters pertaining to SC. practically every ex-josephian in nj was running for council, i have no idea why. except me of course. i was strongly against councils of any sort, especially since i hated the PSB back in sji (mainly because of Roger Poulier, but that's another matter anyway). hence, a further drift away from the sji crowd.
5) CCA matters. being the recalcitrant i was, i didn't join ILDDS. in fact, i actually joined the Lion Dance Troupe, which effectively made me an outcast in the eyes of the ILDDS. yea yea, and so everyone raised their eyebrows. who gives a damn. even more contacts severed, but who cares? i totally don't regret joining NJCLD. the people there rock man.
6) the issue of me and my "harem". come on, my class has like 19 girls and 4 guys, what can you possibly expect.
7) revival of the lameoire. me, hanif, arjun- just like the old times.
8) gb and re-establishing ties with sam keef josh etc etc. and the whole string of sagas and dramas accompanying them.
9) X, Y and Z entering (and leaving) my life over the period of the past 1.5 years. i'd rather not elaborate much, they really didn't affect me that much.
indeed, so many things have actually happened to me over the course of college. its hard to say that i have not been affected by them. i appear cold, dao, antisocial to some, overly friendly to others, calm and happy even to some. but i suppose i've tried my best to be the "me" i've been over the years, not letting the environment affect my intrinsic values.
its sad that some people are on the other extreme of the scale. they just go downhill from the moment they step into college, fucking up their reputations and all. i honestly feel that such people are really still good people at heart, its just an unfortunate case of circumstance that they've wound up this way. if they choose to carry themselves in this manner, i reckon its their loss really, not anyone else's.
one shouldn't really lose sleep over trying to maintain relationships with these people. really, if they truly treasured the friendship, they wouldn't have done the things they did.
college is just a lame, childish, superficial place. everyone will more or less come to their senses after they leave college.
and then some will sit back and wonder, how did i carry myself back then? was i really oblivious to everything? did i really cause so much hurt to the people around me?
11:00 PM
this is the second time i'm typing this entry.. tmd. this blogspot..z
is limGC ok? heard from a few people that she's been extremely distressed these few days. i didnt notice anything unusual, perhaps because my last econs lesson was early in the morning on friday (when she was visibly ok). anyways, i guess people should realize (if they already haven't done so) that responsibility is never a one-sided issue, and no one party can be held totally liable for any action. in the context of school, responsibility revolves around teachers and students. of course, students bear the major burden of responsibility. teachers just have to.. well, do their part. as for limGC, how could anyone doubt her credibility or integrity? its limGC we're talking about here. yes, she may be abit slack during her lessons, but its just her style, isn't it? how can one possibly accuse her of not caring about students' welfare or progress? hello?! its limGC we're talking about here. in fact, she was the one who helped s7b out of the pathetic state we were in last year, and spurred us on to become the top class for prelims. that's no mean feat, i reckon. i mean, true, circumstances do play a part, all i'm saying is, please don't just shove all the blame on a teacher, especially one who has done so much for the students. limGC doesn't deserve such an atrocity.
anyways, right now everyone is harping about CCA points, but frankly, i couldn't care less. i got 16 points, i think? didn't even bother to check it..lol. they are of no use to me anyway, since i'm planning to study at melb uni after NS. to read biomedical science there, i need an average of AAA for 3 subs, and B3 for GP. my prelim grades are nowhere near that man. i got CCE for 3 subs? z.. so what i really need now is grades, i guess. worst-case scenario of course would be not qualifying for uni education at all, but an equally bad scenario would be winding up at NUS. how can i possibly endure 3 to 4 years of a tortorous, bland, monotonous, lame, sucky, irritating life which i've already endured for the past 2 years? no.. its a definite nono. i HAVE to go overseas. i really need to escape SG for awhile. away from family.. away from home. zz. how i long to live in my own apartment. seriously, i wouldn't get homesick. i've had enough of this dysfunctional family anyway. bah.. grades grades grades.. how am i ever going to achieve them? and my GP compre got a fucking 33/50.. how will i ever get A1 for GP? not to mention, A for chem? HOW LAR. i don't even know where or how to start....arghhhhhhhhh i feel completely at a loss here. totally screwed. up. zzzzzzzzzzzz
9:25 PM
I didn't hear you leave
I wonder how am I still here
I don't want to move a thing
It might change my memory
[chorus:]
Oh I am what I am
I'll do what I want
but I can't hide
I won't go
I won't sleep
I can't breathe
until you're resting
here with me
I won't leave
I can't hide
I cannot be
until you're resting
here with me
I don't want to call my friends
They might wake me from this dream
And I can't leave this bed
Risk forgetting all that's been
[chorus x3]
-Here With Me, Dido
9:11 PM
so, should i start studying yet? okokok. tomorrow it shall be. this blog shall henceforth be shut down temporarily. at least till after As. good luck everyone, study hard. one frigging month left before this frigging burden is friggin lifted off our friggin shoulders.
Thursday, October 28, 2004
4:18 PM
had chem practical today.zzz. i LIVE. it was another weird paper, just like the bio paper.
first question was on titration. dual titration, wtf?? it was some weird thing which we've never done before. anyways it wasn't that tough.. i'm just concerned that i'll lose some accuracy marks....zzz. damn that burette. the clip was so damn hard to use, and i ended up having an air bubble in the burette. whats the volume of an air bubble in the burette? 0.05cm³? lol. i didn't bother to correct the error.
second question was on kinetics. man. just like everyone predicted. i'm quite confident of my results, i didn't fake any, they were all quite accurate. but my graph was kinda weird? not starting from the origin and all. and i stupidly wrote 1.47 (3sf) for the order of reaction, instead of rounding it off to 1..zz. lol.
third question was on QA, lame la. they set some weird shit. first thing i noticed, there was no deduction column. so, were we supposed to write deductions in the observations column, or not make any deductions at all? then i noticed familiar reagents, like thiocyanate and all, so i assumed there'd be a nice blood-red complex and i could contentedly deduce Fe(III) ion and all. fat hope la, there was some blue complex formed. and my dichromate and manganate all didn't decolourise, athough they were supposed to. so my QA results were totally faked..lol?
fourth and last question was the design question, surprise surprise, it was physical design. so there was no QA design...sian. its 10marks? i'm not very confident of the crap i wrote. perhaps i'll get 5? or less.
so there goes the two practs. supposedly to our advantage, but i feel disavantaged after the two exams. this means i'll have to study extra hard for the theory papers? and there's like one week plus left only...... omgomgomgomg i'm getting stressed.
gg. i LIVE.
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
5:11 PM
this whole PA thing is getting on my nerves man. can't they freaking tell us what its all about instead of leaving us in suspense and sending us mysterious and vague enlistment letter. fothermuckin shit. zzzzzzzzzzz
1:27 PM
skiving. skiving? skiving. the word keeps repeating itself over and over again in my head. zzz, god damn it even those bloody neurons of mine are making me feel guilty.
8:49 PM
i got no fucking motivation to study la. why is everyone else fervently mugging away? zzzzzzzzzzz. i think, i'll just forget about 4 As and GP A1. i'm already in the "cannot make it" category already. maybe, by luck, i'll be able to get 2 As and 2Bs, or at least an ABB, that'll help me get into melb uni. thats all i really want now. god damn it. this fucking sucks.
11:42 AM
how 'bout getting off of these antibiotics
how 'bout stopping eating when I'm full up
how 'bout them transparent dangling carrots
how 'bout that ever elusive kudo
[chorus:]
thank you India
thank you terror
thank you disillusionment
thank you frailty
thank you consequence
thank you thank you silence
how 'bout me not blaming you for everything
how 'bout me enjoying the moment for once
how 'bout how good it feels to finally forgive you
how 'bout grieving it all one at a time
[chorus]
the moment I let go of it was
the moment I got more than I could handle
the moment I jumped off of it was
the moment I touched down
how 'bout no longer being masochistic
how 'bout remembering your divinity
how 'bout unabashedly bawling your eyes out
how 'bout not equating death with stopping
thank you India
thank you Providence
thank you disillusionment
thank you nothingness
thank you clarity
thank you thank you silence
-Thank You, Alanis Morissette
9:56 AM
1. YOUR HOROSCOPE? aries.
2. SINGLE OR TAKEN? dunno.
3. IF TAKEN, BY WHO? none of ure business.
4. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN SERiOUSLY HURT BY THE PERSON YOU LOVE/D? ah, the mishaps. *declines to comment*
5. WHAT WOULD YOUR REASON BE IF YOU TURNED SUICIDAL? so many reasons, don't wanna list them all.
6. IS SUICIDE REALLY KILLING YOURSELF? hmm, depends on your perspective. i like to think of it as a cowardly way of escaping reality.
7. PREFER COUNTRY OR CLASSIC? classics, duh.
8. PREFER CUTE/IDIOT OR SMART/UGLY? looks don't matter.
9. ARE YOU IN A STABLE RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR BF/GF/CRUSH? siao single la.
10. YOU'D EXPECT A TEXT MESSAGE USUALLY FROM: hanif.
11. HAVE A BEST FRIEND THAT IS IN THE OPPOSITE GENDER? WHO? no best friends of either gender, cause i've never opened up totally to anyone. close friends, there are a few tho.
12. WHAT DO YOU LiKE DOING WHEN YOU'RE DEPRESSED? lie in bed, count the number of cracks in the ceiling
13. CHEERFUL OR BORING??? bbooorringgg.
14. DESCRIBE A PERFECT DATE. spending the nite at the beach, talking all nite and wtaching the sunrise.
15. EVER WONDERED WHY NOBODY KNOWS WHY THE SKY IS BLUE? WHAT DO YOU THINK? cause nothing gold can stay.
16. EVER BEEN HURT BY LOVE? no comment
17. WILL YOU EVER MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE AGAIN? WITH LOVE??? only time will tell.
18. EVER HATED ANYONE LIKE HELL? yea, back in sji (lol).
19. DO YOU DO ANYTHING WHEN A PERSON BREAKS UP WITH YOU AFTER ONE DAY? what kinda joke is that.
20. GIVE WORDS THAT BEST DESCRIBES WHAT YOU'RE FEELiNG NOW. bored and tired.
21. DO YOU BELIEVE IN YOURSELF? sometimes?
22. EVER PHYSiCALLY HURT YOURSELF? nah, never been so depressed before.
23. EVER VERBALLY HURT YOURSELF? nah
24. MOTTO IN LIFE. none. sad case,lol.
26. HAVE YOU EVER HAD *EXTRA* FEELINGS ABOUT A BEST FRIEND FROM THE OPPOSITE GENDER? funny how that happened back in pri sch. p6 and sec1 i think. we lost contact, and the rest is history.
27. IF YES, WHAT DID YOU DO ABOUT IT? IF NO, WHAT WOULD YOU DO? nothing much, we went out often, i hung out at her house, and one fine day we just lost contact.
28. IS FAME & MONEY THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS IN YOUR LIFE? fame? nah. but money is a necessity, so i think its quite important.
29. DO YOU MAKE ANY MOVEMENTS OR SOUNDS WHEN YOU'RE SLEEPiNG? snore, toss and turn constantly, and sleeptalk. or so i'm told.
30. ARE YOU DiFFiCULT TO WAKE UP? yea,lol.
31. HOW OFTEN DO YOU SLEEP? usually every nite, at least for 3hours.
32. ARE YOU CONVENIENT WITH THAT? anything. as long as i'm still alive can already
33. LAST, HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT YOU WERE PERFECT? this reminds me of that lame quote. "nobody is perfect and i am nobody.."
Thursday, October 21, 2004
8:23 PM
had bio prac today.
okay, so i turned over the booklet, and the first question was on animal histology. kidney, to be exact. i was like wow, PHkhoo's prediction came true. it was pretty standard stuff. ok, so it wasn't that bad.
next question, it was on DCPIP. why la why. why did they have to test that dreaded DCPIP. as expected, my fuckin DCPIP didn't change colour. it was like blue in all the capillary tubes for like what? 14mins? lol? so i was creative, i faked out the whole answer. seems one of my fake observations were wrong. zzzzzzz.
last question was on chi-squared test. it REALLY came out, omg!! so you see, we're supposed to count 30 grains of rice and measure and tally the length? what did i do? i counted the WHOLE bottle of rice grains, which was around 50 seeds? zzzzzzzzz.lol. so, that part was slightly screwed.
noone else could ever make such lame mistakes in their A level practical exams, honestly.
Wednesday, October 20, 2004
1:54 PM
just a thought.. how'd u feel if ure parents stumbled onto your blog, or worse still, have been avid readers of it? well, i for one would be totally freaked out. and i'd probably just shut down the whole blog for good. AND delete away all entries. lol.
7:56 AM
i'll whack them if they're sending me off to the police academy JUST for ptp. wtf? can't they just do it all at tekong, if i'm gonna get shipped to tekong eventually?
zzzzzzzz.
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
7:27 PM
just got my enlistment letter today. apparently i'm enlisted into the police force, and i'm supposed to report to the Police Academy on 14dec. oh well, so i'm going to serve the SPF not SAF. kinda expected really.. i predicted i'll get something along the lines of military police. hmm.. at least i got that moot sam for company, haha. if all goes well, i can imagine myself 2 years later, with my velvet revolver, and INSP rank. how cool is that?
lol. make that ASP.
(assuming its not just for PTP...zzzzzzzzzz)
9:34 PM
Ode to NJCians
Ok.. i've been wanting to write this for a long time. you see, i may not have liked NJC as a college, but hey, i was stuck here for the past two years, and you know what? i've met so many great people over this hectic period and i havta say i'll really miss you guys. so here goes.. my farewell message to yall, in no particular order of merit:
1. Lion Dance
weijie, vincent, andy, mingfeng: guys of the 03/04 batch. lame, corny, funny and talented guys i must say. never failed to make our trainings fun and interesting. though we may not have been so close in the first year, i'm quite happy that our batch did stick together this year, and have fostered quite close bonds. may our friendship last =)
han: thanks for all the smses and words of encouragement over these two years. you have been a great friend indeed =) and i'm gald you introed me to ld coz i wouldn't have met all the others if not for you and teo haha.
teo: my dear teo! you have been an intriguing person to get to know. at first in year one you were like some siao gina laughing at me all the time, but it seems this year you've toned down and have been quite depressed at times. i guess its all the exam stress. don't give up k.. must perservere on. anyway thanks for all your advice and encouragement when i was down =)
xinyi: the only other person who's as passionate as me about ld, as far as i can see (i mean some don't show their passion you know? lol). its been great working with you during cca, and thanks for being my running buddy this year =)
chenchao: haha, my disciple for drums; diligently learning from me even though i was a rather impatient, critical and basically a screwed up teacher. anyways you have great potential ya, use it to the fullest, and be a good vice cap for the troupe, and do bear with chong's incessant nagging. lol.
yiqian, yijun, jingliang, benita, lester, aiwei: man i miss you guys, my favourite seniors of the 02/03 batch. a really talented bunch, i must thank you guys for nurturing my passion for ld. and all the encouragement and guidance, you guys rocked man.
to the rest of the troupe: well, what can i say? we have quite a handful of juniors, all with great potential. i'm really impressed that you guys were able to perform that challenging routine for nationals. and the alumni is finally making progress..its great. good luck for the NTU invitationals next year, hope you guys can beat the record we set haha =)
2. 03s23/S7B
shiyun: my dear pigeon. its been great knowing you i must say, just like all the other sN people i know haha. thanks for being such a helpful, caring and cute friend. though we may have quarrelled over trivial matters, i'm glad that we've resolved our differences over the past two years. all the best for As, you'll get your 3As. i'm sure of it.
huizhen: pw groupmate, and a good friend too. thanks for putting up with my two cents worth over the past two years, and for lending me all those tutorials haha.
sock hoon: what can i say? sock hoon is the epitome of perfection, i'm glad to have known her as a friend, and as a pw groupmate. if not for her discipline, we would have slacked off man..haha. good luck for As!
a'in: this lame gurl i've known, incidentally, was my pw mate as well. i still can't believe i sleeptalked at her home (omg damn malu). and she's been blackmailing me about that ever since, who knows wtf i said that nite, haha. anyway, that aside, i have to say a'in has to be one of the most intriguing people in s23. very entertaining, friendly, independent, and i love to listen to her perspective on issues. fantastic pw mate.. i'll never forget those crazy times, haha =)
wee ping: epitome of perfection, again. haha. you've been such a cute, friendly and helpful person over these two years. very enthusiastic for class outings as well. haha. wish you all the best for As man =)
huiling: fellow class lamer. gambling queen as well. i still remember the times when we roamed the streets looking for places to play cards secretly lol. never failed to amuse me with your incessant gossip, haha. thanks for all the lame times, and good luck for As =)
yewtze: shifu. my master in bridge, mahjong, knaves, daidee. lol. sad to say i've been quite a depressing disciple cause of my screwed up luck haha. enjoyed slacking at your house over these years. haha, miss those fun times. btw, we have to organise a mahjong session after As. mad fun.
shaopin: i remember i was jealous of you last year coz you got the moe pre-u scholarship, haha. a very smart gurl indeed. helpful and lame too haha.
huijun: yo! my fellow stoning partner. stoning during lectures and tuts, lol. but it seems you've kicked your habit lately, you did so well for prelims haha. good luck for As! yeah, we should organise a class outing soon. thanks for all the ornaments, cards and all the great times =)
jiayan: i must say, i dreaded talking to you back when we first knew each other last year, due to my "fear" of scgs girls. LOL. luckily, you dispelled all the misconceptions i had of people from your school. you've been a great classmate! do keep in touch =)
to the rest of s23: we've been through alot over these two years. from one of the worst econs classes in the history of j1, we slowly rose up the ranks to become the top this year under the guidance of limGC. haha, anyway i never regretted being in this class really. i could never imagine myself in another s7 class. thanks for all the great times s23! i'll really miss you guys man.
EDIT: haha.. damn paiseh, how could i forget eunice? haha rem all those times when we loitered around, slacked at woodlands library and played cards till late at nite in sch until the uncles/aunties nagged lol. yea, s23 became alot less lively without u..oh well. must have been damn hard for you, i cannnot even imagine. don't worry, i know u'll do well for promos. believe in yourself, don't ever give up k?
3. The Rest
hanif: ah, my fellow Lamer. six years have passed, and we're still good friends. i'm looking forward to after As, when arjun will be back. just like the old times =)
joe: another one i've known for six years, though i was probably close friends with you only in sec one and two. nevertheless, its been great knowing you, and i miss those times when me and hanif went over to your house to do projects but ended up slacking instead lol. good luck for As man, you'll do way better than me. do keep in touch! =)
alwyn: having known you for four years, both your lameness and intelligence never fail to amaze me. haha. we should organise a 401 outing after As.
taffy: yet another one i've known for six years. to think that i put up with all your lame gossip back in sec 3 and 4 when we sat together, haha. but thanks for being a great friend and cca mate, sjab rawks! yea
glenn: lol, you're probably two times taller than me. hmm.. known you for four years now? quite a lame guy actually, but funny and friendly too. i remember geog and SS were your fav subjects back in sji. now in nj, you seem to be infatuated with econs. gimme some of your brains la, my econs sux.lol. anyways good luck for As man!
melissa: hmm.. its been four years, no? glad our friendship remains =) thanks for all your advice, and words of encouragement when i was down! its quite unfortunate that i'll be going to NS on your birthday..haha. anyhow, mug hard, never give up, and stay bubbly always.
shawn, xuehui, craig, thiam hoew, cummarran and all the rest from 401: i seem to have lost contact with you people even though we're still in the same college. what happened to the 401 chalet, lol. we have to organise a reunion after As.
.....gosh. there's still many more people i'd like to mention but it'd probably take me ages to complete this entry if i do.. but i've not forgotten you all. a big thank you for brightening up my grey life in NJ.
and so, we've come to the end of yet another phase of our lives. college has ended. i'm still trying to grasp this fact actually. i've been apathetic too long, i took everything for granted really, over the past two years. now that we're parting ways, i've begun to realise how much i treasure all you guys and all the teachers and everyone i've come to know over this short period.
its been great la, these two years. i have to say that i can't bring myself to say that NJC sux anymore. how could it possibly suck, with all you people around?
11:53 PM
i'm.
feeling rotten.
nvm.
Ode to NJCians, coming soon. tmr probably. stay tuned.
10:51 AM
yawnn.. i wanna change template but its so tedious..zzz. stumbled onto a few interesting blogs, and interestingly, they were my friends' blogs, and i had no idea they had been such avid bloggers. lol. so.. school's out. two years of college, has just come to an end. just like that. feels kinda abrupt really. i still feel like i've just completed my Os. whe in actual fact the As are like.. 3 weeks away?
apparently there's some farewell assembly on monday la. i wonder how it will be like.. i suppose it will never be as emotionally charged as the SJI farewell assembly. i still remember how everyone had to personally get their testimonials from the principal, and towards the end, there was this really weird/unique thing where everyone had to write letters to their parents. weird but memorable..indeed. i guess i'll never feel a sense of attachment to NJ.
but i will definitely miss the people. 03s23. great class (despite the shortage of guys -_-'). lion dance- it was really weird in the beginning. our batch was like split into 2 cliques, 4 guys in one and 3 girls in the other. interestingly, i wasn't part of either clique (more of a middleman eh?). lol. but over the two years we managed to get closer la. i mean there were misunderstandings and sorts, but towards the end we were really quite united. the seniors were great too. but as for the juniors..hmmm...lol. sad to say i won't really miss them. perhaps coz we didn't really establish any close ties with them. but they have great potential.. hope they use it to the fullest. lol.
and i have to say, over the course of the two years, i've met many exemplary teachers. guess we owe it to them too, for their dedication and support over these two years.
ah well.. so much for nostalgia.
i'll go mug now.
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
3:59 PM
did i say a few weeks? i meant 16 f*cking days.
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
8:20 AM
time to place this blog o' mine on life support.. indefinitely. zz.. As will only be over on 25 november, and barely a few weeks after that will be NS.
i have no life.
1:51 PM
There's no sign on the gate
And there's mud on your face
Don't ya think it's time we
re-investigate this situation?
Put some fruit on your plate
You've forgotten how it started
Close your eyes
Think of all the bubbles
of love we made
[chorus:]
And you're down on your knees
It's too late
Oh don't come crawlin'
And you lie by my feet
What a big mistake
I see you fallin'
Got a buzz in my head
And my flowers are dead
Can't figure out a way
to rectify this situation
I don't believe what you said
You've forgotten how it started
Close your eyes
Think of all the bubbles
of love we made
[chorus]
I see you fallin'
I could sting like a bee
Careful how you treat me
Baby I don't think I'll
accept your sorry invitation
Close the door as you leave
And you cry over me
I can't wait
I feel you stallin'
And you try to reach me
What a big mistake
I hear you calling
[repeat chorus]
-Big Mistake, Natalie Imbruglia
Saturday, October 09, 2004
9:25 PM
just watched the 2nd US presidential debate earlier today, and i have to say, it was rather intense. however, both Bush and Kerry kinda screwed up. Kerry was unable to field a certain question posed to him by the audience (definitely a HUGE minus point there for him). well, Bush wasn't any better really. i was amazed at how he bushwhacked all the questions. his logic was flawed, reasoning was flawed, hell, his whole argument was flawed (was there even one in the first place?). in fact, there was no structure in his assertions anyway. at the very end, someone asked him to name three wrong decisions he made in his term, and what he did to correct the mistake. and how did he reply? he kept ranting on what decisions he made, and why they were the RIGHT ones. how convincing...NOT. bah, if only Kerry hadn't screwed up some of the questions, he wouldn have been at a major advantage.. but it seems that both Bush and Kerry are kinda tied right now. i guess the 3rd debate will be much more interesting, and i predict Bush will just crumble.. after all he fears the podium.
but it disgusts me that he has vile connections with the electoral commissions. and they have claimed that they will do "everything in our power to secure a Bush victory". how appalling.. i mean if they actually alter the votes. will it be deja vu? everyone remembers the Florida incident in 2000.
on a lighter note though, if the Bush administration loses, it would put an end to the governing days of Arnie. zzzzzz....why did Arnie have to be a Republican??? why?! he could have done so much more for our dear Kerry and his fellow democrats..bahhh
burn Bush burnnn in hhhhelllll!
btw, Blogger allows freedom of speech right?
8:52 AM
check
this out. utada hikaru has released a full-length english album in the US! how cool. i've always enjoyed her voice and lyrics, especially in her three japanese albums,
First Love,
Final Distance, and
Deep River. i'll definitely have to check this album out. a japanese artiste crossing over to the states. how cool is that.
6:12 PM
[Intro:]
Oh, who does she think she is?
I don't know
Do you reckon they're real?
Nah! too little
Hi girls!
Hi Louise!
Alright, how's it going?
Good, yeah, great
--
Oh, oh, twisted and deceitful
All those two-faced people
Taking me for some kind of fool
Oh, oh, pretending to be so nice
Let me give you my advice
I don't need you
Friends in disguise
Dressed up in lies
It's a knack that you're playing
Oh, oh, first you recognise me
Then you criticise me
What's going on?
[chorus:]
Stop your bitching
'cos you're so sad
Bitching behind my back
Honey, i don't need that
So kick it to the kerb because
I heard you're two-faced
Trying to get in my face
Worked too hard to make mistakes
So stop your bitching on me
Oh, oh, they're so narrow minded
Truth is so one sided
They're just counterfeit
Oh, oh, hot and cold you're blowing
Sheep in wolves' clothing
Who are you trying to kid?
Two-faced people are so shallow
Put yourself in my place
Oh, oh, the fairytale you're spinning
Sounding so convincing
But I'm at a loss so
[chorus]
Poison words are spoken
My faith in you is broken
But I'll make it on my own
Oh, oh, twisted and deceitful
All those two-faced people
Taking me for some kind of fool
Oh, oh, they're so narrow minded
Truth is so one sided
But honey you rock so
[chorus x2]
Stop this hypocrisy
You're criticizing me
Cos i don't wanna be
With two-faced people yeah
--
[Outro:]
She's probably talking about us behind our backs right now
Yeah she probably is, she's like that
Yeah she's two faced, yeah, bitchy
I'll never trust anything she says again
I can't believe you said that about me!
Believe it honey!
-2-faced, Louise
11:31 AM
ok.. i'm way too unproductive. there's lots of excess capacity in my brain, considering the rather low mugging:results ratio i've employed.
so its time to invest in more mugging, so as to increase future result formation. (ok, that was lame..lol)
i shall go and read up on equilibria again (the wretched topic which i aced in j1, and then screwed up in promos, after which i had a phobia of it).
Wednesday, October 06, 2004
3:47 PM
Prelim Results
Bio- C
Chem- E
Math- C
Econs- C
GP- B3
zzzz. guess what? i need 1 mark to get D for chem, and 1 mark each for bio, math, and econs to get B.
this is NOT happening.
10:53 PM
zzzzz..ignore the previous post. it was totally schizo. only a few will understand what i'm saying =)
10:05 PM
today i was chatting with melissa, and the things she mentioned were indeed thought-provoking, and they brought back afresh to memory some of the events that have happened over the past 21 months of college.
question is: why do people change drastically or change for the worse when they go to college?
and so i began wondering, about any significant things that may have occurred in my college life that have somehow affected my character or personality as a whole.
1) jan 2003. entered nj together with the majority of 401'02. the issue was choosing subject combinations. rifts first began to appear when i chose the s7 combi i guess. everyone else had chosen s5 or s6.
2) posted to s7b for the first 3 months. the thing is, i was isolated from glenn, pradip and alwyn who were all in s7c.
3) as i got to know my class better, i felt myself drifting further away from the sji crowd. soon, i stopped hanging out at the sji table in the canteen before assembly every morning. its not like i deliberately chose to do so. its just that my class gathers at the grandstand every morning, and logically speaking, if you enter school by the side gate, you'd most probably stop by the grandstand right? so i never bothered to go up to the canteen.
4) matters pertaining to SC. practically every ex-josephian in nj was running for council, i have no idea why. except me of course. i was strongly against councils of any sort, especially since i hated the PSB back in sji (mainly because of Roger Poulier, but that's another matter anyway). hence, a further drift away from the sji crowd.
5) CCA matters. being the recalcitrant i was, i didn't join ILDDS. in fact, i actually joined the Lion Dance Troupe, which effectively made me an outcast in the eyes of the ILDDS. yea yea, and so everyone raised their eyebrows. who gives a damn. even more contacts severed, but who cares? i totally don't regret joining NJCLD. the people there rock man.
6) the issue of me and my "harem". come on, my class has like 19 girls and 4 guys, what can you possibly expect.
7) revival of the lameoire. me, hanif, arjun- just like the old times.
8) gb and re-establishing ties with sam keef josh etc etc. and the whole string of sagas and dramas accompanying them.
9) X, Y and Z entering (and leaving) my life over the period of the past 1.5 years. i'd rather not elaborate much, they really didn't affect me that much.
indeed, so many things have actually happened to me over the course of college. its hard to say that i have not been affected by them. i appear cold, dao, antisocial to some, overly friendly to others, calm and happy even to some. but i suppose i've tried my best to be the "me" i've been over the years, not letting the environment affect my intrinsic values.
its sad that some people are on the other extreme of the scale. they just go downhill from the moment they step into college, fucking up their reputations and all. i honestly feel that such people are really still good people at heart, its just an unfortunate case of circumstance that they've wound up this way. if they choose to carry themselves in this manner, i reckon its their loss really, not anyone else's.
one shouldn't really lose sleep over trying to maintain relationships with these people. really, if they truly treasured the friendship, they wouldn't have done the things they did.
college is just a lame, childish, superficial place. everyone will more or less come to their senses after they leave college.
and then some will sit back and wonder, how did i carry myself back then? was i really oblivious to everything? did i really cause so much hurt to the people around me?
11:00 PM
this is the second time i'm typing this entry.. tmd. this blogspot..z
is limGC ok? heard from a few people that she's been extremely distressed these few days. i didnt notice anything unusual, perhaps because my last econs lesson was early in the morning on friday (when she was visibly ok). anyways, i guess people should realize (if they already haven't done so) that responsibility is never a one-sided issue, and no one party can be held totally liable for any action. in the context of school, responsibility revolves around teachers and students. of course, students bear the major burden of responsibility. teachers just have to.. well, do their part. as for limGC, how could anyone doubt her credibility or integrity? its limGC we're talking about here. yes, she may be abit slack during her lessons, but its just her style, isn't it? how can one possibly accuse her of not caring about students' welfare or progress? hello?! its limGC we're talking about here. in fact, she was the one who helped s7b out of the pathetic state we were in last year, and spurred us on to become the top class for prelims. that's no mean feat, i reckon. i mean, true, circumstances do play a part, all i'm saying is, please don't just shove all the blame on a teacher, especially one who has done so much for the students. limGC doesn't deserve such an atrocity.
anyways, right now everyone is harping about CCA points, but frankly, i couldn't care less. i got 16 points, i think? didn't even bother to check it..lol. they are of no use to me anyway, since i'm planning to study at melb uni after NS. to read biomedical science there, i need an average of AAA for 3 subs, and B3 for GP. my prelim grades are nowhere near that man. i got CCE for 3 subs? z.. so what i really need now is grades, i guess. worst-case scenario of course would be not qualifying for uni education at all, but an equally bad scenario would be winding up at NUS. how can i possibly endure 3 to 4 years of a tortorous, bland, monotonous, lame, sucky, irritating life which i've already endured for the past 2 years? no.. its a definite nono. i HAVE to go overseas. i really need to escape SG for awhile. away from family.. away from home. zz. how i long to live in my own apartment. seriously, i wouldn't get homesick. i've had enough of this dysfunctional family anyway. bah.. grades grades grades.. how am i ever going to achieve them? and my GP compre got a fucking 33/50.. how will i ever get A1 for GP? not to mention, A for chem? HOW LAR. i don't even know where or how to start....arghhhhhhhhh i feel completely at a loss here. totally screwed. up. zzzzzzzzzzzz
